Peace in Relationships Tue, 15 Mar 2016 04:51:43 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Meditating With Dis-ease Tue, 15 Mar 2016 04:51:43 +0000 compassion IMG_1931

Like most meditators, I’m often plagued by the thought “when is this going to end?” especially during longer group sits. My mind starts churning all kinds of schemes trying to make time go faster.


“Maybe the timekeeper’s watch broke.”


“Surely that had to have been an hour.”


As a cancer patient pursuing alternative healing modalities, I’ve experienced the same rest-lessness and impatience in my daily life, except it arises in the question “when am I going to be cancer free?”


I often have thoughts like “maybe the tumor markers are inaccurate.” Or “surely this will be over in the next month.”


What I have learned is that living with cancer is like a meditation that lasts the whole waking day. In this sense, cancer is an opportunity and a gift to awaken me to life as it is.


Easy Sits/Easy Cancer


I once had the privilege of serving vegetarian meals to the homeless with a wise saint named Audrey Lin []. After giving out all the food that we prepared, Audrey and I decided to go to the Berkeley Buddhist Monastery for their daily meditation.


After the hour long meditation, Audrey asked, “How was that for you?”


“That was one of the easiest and most peaceful sits I have ever experienced,” I replied.


“Yeah, I’ve found that after doing seva (selfless service), meditation is really easy,” Audrey said with a smile.


This holiday season I had two very different experiences with my “cancer meditation.” At Thanksgiving, I was shocked by how few of my family members asked me about my health. Everyone knew about my diagnosis, but it felt like a huge elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about.


One of my cousins had told me that many of my relatives thought I was crazy and irresponsible for not getting chemo, radiation, and surgery since the prognosis for stage 2 colon cancer was close to 90%. Yet very few of these relatives even came to talk to me during the day-long gathering.


Partially because I could not eat any of the food prepared, but mostly because of the disconnect I felt with close family members, Thanksgiving was almost unbearable. I really felt tormented by cancer.


I fantasized about beating cancer and rubbing it in the faces of all those who doubted my choice to pursue Hawaiian healing practices. “I can’t wait to be cancer free” kept popping up in my monkey mind.


A few weeks later at New Years, I prepared a meal for my brother and his sons. They were exhausted after skiing all day, so I cooked them some gyoza (Japanese dumplings). After dinner, i proceeded to wash the dishes.


My brother asked if he could help, but I could tell that he was tired, so I told him to just relax. After clearing the table, cleaning the dishes, and tidying up the kitchen, I felt amazing.


“What a wonderful life I live” popped into my head. At that moment, cancer had no place in my reality. I felt more alive than I had before the diagnosis. Living with cancer was as easy as meditating after feeding the homeless.


Ua Mau Ke Ea O ka ´Āina I ka Pono


I believe that the ancient Hawaiians knew this secret to heath a long time ago. In fact, it is contained in the state motto of Hawaii: “Ua Mau Ke Ea O ka ´Āina I ka Pono” which is roughly translated as` “the life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness.”


One of my Hawaiian healing teachers, Auntie Suzi Kaiona´okalāni Ko [!instructors], taught me that “´āina” doesn’t just mean land. ´Āina stands for everything that sustains us. It encompasses the land, the sea, our community, and our body.


Thus, the motto can be translated as “the life of our body is perpetuated in righteousness.” The Hawaiian word “ea” means not only “life,” but also “sovereignty.” I believe with all my heart that if I am “pono,” then cancer will have no affect on my health. Through acts of goodness, I will gain sovereignty over my body.


On my last visit to Hawaii, I did some volunteer work at Ulupō Heiau []. I worked with Kumu Malia Ko’i’ulaokawaolehua Helela [] clearing the auwai (waterways) to the lo´i (taro patches). Malia emphasized that we were clearing not only the auwai, but also our own waterways in our bodies, minds, and spirits. This hit me deeply, since I am literally clearing a tumor out of my intestinal waterway.


Immediately after leaving the heiau, I taught a 7 hour free workshop on healing with Aloha. Driving back to my Auntie’s house at 10 PM that night, I was amazed how much energy I had. One of the hallmark symptoms of cancer is fatigue, but I had just gone 15 hours straight without a break, and I felt amazing. At that moment, I had no cancer.



A meditation teacher once told me that meditation is simply the practice of cleaning the vessel. What I have found is that there is a meditation in cleaning that heals the body, mind and spirit. Whenever I practice selfless service like doing the dishes, especially the dishes of others, I find it easy sitting with a cancer diagnosis.


Martin Luther King once said, “Everyone can be great, because anybody can serve.” I would add that everyone can be healthy because anybody can serve.


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Aloha Healing 9/18/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:16:06 +0000 compassion moon waxing

‘Ole Kū Kahi
Māhoe Hope 18

Boys had no school today, so we went hiking at Castle Rock Park.

I woke up exhausted. Low energy all day long. Tomorrow, I will do an 11.5 ph enema.

Trying not to have any bad thoughts.


Drinking at least a gallon of Kangen water everyday. It feels healing.

In the mornings I drink fresh vegetable juice followed by oatmeal with honey, flax seed oil, walnuts, and dates. Salad for lunch and Chipotle salad for dinner. Realized half way through the Chipotle salad that it probably has pepper in it which is a no no for cancer.

Finding it tough to find any restaurant in the South Bay Area that accommodates an anti-cancer diet. Berkeley, Honolulu, and San Francisco have raw food vegan restaurants, but Silicon Valley has none.

Took my son into 99 Ranch Market for the deli and felt sick just walking through the store. I will never shop there again. They are super cheap, but like I’ve heard over and over, “you can pay now or pay later.” For years, I tried to save money on my diet, but now I realize that cheap food is never worth it.


Was too tired this morning to do movements, although I did prayers with Jett which was nice. Did hike around Castle Rock in the oxygen rich Santa Cruz mountains.


Tried to keep peace in all my relationships. Following the Hawaiian concept of akahai, I am trying not to activate anyone–Beryl, my sons, even strangers or fellow drivers.


I am getting so much love and light from different spheres of my life, including this blog, that healing is inevitable.

Kūkae (BM)

Had early morning bloody sediment, but for the whole day, i had nothing but semi-normal bowel movements. My last BM was bloody sediment, but I am definitely having long phases of intestinal health.

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Aloha Healing 9/17/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:13:50 +0000 compassion moon waxKû Pau
Māhoe Hope 17

Getting back into the routine of life back home. Some powerful gifts came my way.

Gift Ecology

One of my meditator/Adyashanti friends offered to give me $5000 for the deductible for my insurance, so I could start getting treatments paid for by the plan. She also offered free energetic healings and her partner is giving me free qigong healings.

Saw my roommate and talked to him about the trip to Hawaii. He wanted to know how I have been monitoring the tumor. I said that I was researching ways to monitor, but haven’t found anything sustainable. I told him how one test cost $500.

“I don’t have a lot of money, Kozo. But I will give you $500 if it will help you assess your progress,” he said.

I am just amazed how people are offering whatever they have to help me on this journey. It really makes me believe in the gift ecology that I am trying to practice.

Divine Text Message

Another friend sends me beautiful photos via text message. She knows I love clouds, so she sent me a cloud photo with the caption, “Look Up!”

I looked up and took this photo.

cloud photoI like how it puts into perspective man-made obstructions to the Divine. It helps me realize that in the larger picture, this tumor is a tiny man-made obstruction in hands of the Divine.

Facebook Heaven

I got some feedback from the workshop I gave in Hawaii via facebook.

“Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days in my life…

]]> 0 Aloha Cancer 9/16/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:12:26 +0000 compassion moon waxingKū Kolu

Māhoe Mua 16

It has been a whirlwind the last few days. Haven’t been able to post, so I’m going to summarize here.

September 12th, 2015

On the heels of the 14th anniversary of 9/11 attacks and the 23rd anniversary of Hurricane Iniki, the torrential rains of yesterday cleared up, and I woke up to blue skies over Oah`u.

Headed out to Kailua to the Ulupo Heiau where I was meeting a hula teacher named Malia Helela. Ulupo actually means “grow out of darkness.” So all these images and weather patterns seemed to indicate a coming into the light from the dark.

Ulupo Heiau

I got to the sacred site early, so I walked around to check out the huge rock walls. At the bottom of the heiau I heard a movement in a Ti leaf plant next to me. Turns out a mo`o (gecko) was jumping from leaf to leaf. Then as I walked back to the meeting place, a large seed of a Pū Hala tree hit me right on the top of my head.

Later I learned that a mo`o goddess was known to frequent the heiau. Maybe she was hitting me on the piko (top of the head/crown chakra) to wake me up.

Malia showed up with 30+ volunteers to clean up the heiau. I joined her team that was put in charge of clearing the auwai (waterways) to the lo`i (taro patches). Malia emphasized that we are clearing not only the auwai, but also our own waterways in our bodies, minds, and spirits. This hit me deeply, since I am literally clearing a tumor out of my intestinal waterway.

Another powerful insight that Malia shared had to do with the ua (rain). She said that she had been taught never to run from the rain because it was a blessing. Working in the wet taro patches with sprinkling rain did feel like a blessing.

I was so happy to clear muddy waterways that I lost track of time. With a quick farewell, I jumped in the car and headed back to my Auntie’s house in Aiea. By the time I got back, I realized that I had just enough time to either eat or shower before the workshop.

I was starving, so I chose food. Driving to the workshop in my muddy jeans and tee-shirt, it dawned on me that this was a powerful practice of ha`aha`a (humility). What better way to stay humble than to “lead” a workshop in clothes dyed by the ‘āina (land).

workshop facilitator

At the workshop 15 curious participants showed up. My cousin came with her husband and son. She told her son that he could leave whenever he wanted because they brought two cars. He ended up staying the full 7 hours.

Another woman said she had to leave after a few hours, but ended up staying for six.

In one part of the workshop we ‘olu‘olued (comfort/be gentle with) each other by cradling our partner like a baby. After the exercise, one participant was amazed that her partner sang her favorite childhood song to her–”You are my Sunshine.” It turns out that these participants had never met before. Giovanni said he just felt like humming something, so he chose that song.

After 7 hours, we were all tired, but I felt connected with everyone there. It was a wonderful first Aloha Awakenings in Hawaii.

As I was packing up, my cousin drove her car up and gave me a big box. It was a water ionizer machine. She had bought me the deluxe machine that costs over 3000 dollars! I came to Hawai`i for the “Ha” (breath of the Divine), the “wai” (water), and “i” (spirit). Now I was leaving with a lifetime supply of healing wai.

I have been drinking the ionized 9.0 ph water everyday, and I feel so much better. Thank you for your love and generosity, Marie. You are my favorite cousin. :)

September 13, 2015

I woke up before dawn and drove out to see the sunrise on the Eastside of the island. It was beautiful, but also pouring rain, so I came back and crashed in front of the television.

sunrise kailua

On the public television was a show on cancer. They discussed powerful natural cures including olena (turmeric). At Ulupo, I met one of Malia’s students named Kaiolena (ocean turmeric). I took this as a sign to include turmeric in my healing.

At lunch, I went to the store to buy poi (pounded taro paste). While walking in, I made eye contact with a large Hawaiian man who looked a lot like my Hawaiian grandfather. He gave me a huge Hawaiian smile. I took this as a sign that my grandfather was happy with me.

In the afternoon, I met my friend Darren at Kaimana beach to go swimming. We talked about healing relationships with our fathers. I told Darren how I had talked with my stepfather and did some inner child healing work around my biological father. He talked about healing the relationship with his father and his grandfather. “I just wish my grandfather had told me that he loved me and was proud of me. Just one time,” Darren said.

Darren and his wife are expecting a son, so I shared that we can tell our sons how much we love them.

Giovanni from the workshop turned out to be a Reiki Master, so he showed up around sunset to give me a session. Giovanni is a natural healer. He has very hot hands. In ancient Hawaii, they would choose children to become Kahuna LomiLomi (Masters of Healing Massage) by how hot their hands were.

At one point during the session, Giovanni had one hand on each of my feet. It felt very grounding and stable. While he had his hands on both my feet, I felt someone caressing my forehead. I had my eyes closed, and a thought occurred to me that someone else might be there looking through my backpack, but it felt so good to have healing hands on my feet and head that I just kept my eyes closed.

After the session (before I could tell Giovanni about my experience), he shared what the session was like for him. He said that he sensed the presence of a mother figure who was saying, “My son, my son” while he was grounding my feet. He also said that she sternly said, “Don’t give up; you know better.”

Giovanni also said that he almost started crying at one point when the iPod that was on shuffle played, “Ave Maria.” He felt the presence of angels surrounding us.

I remember recognizing the song and feeling a deep peace with the moment.

When I told Giovanni about feeling someone at my feet and forehead, he was blown away. He said he wasn’t sure if he should share what he experienced with me, but was glad he did.

What a day!

September 14th

Before boarding the flight back to California, I waited as long as I could to breathe in as much mana (power) from the ‘āina (land) as I could. The change in oxygen levels from Hawaii to the airplane to California were obvious.

sunset san jose

I landed to a gorgeous sunset in San Jose.


Ate a lot of raw vegan food in Hawaii. I also had poi which felt nourishing and healing. For a few dinners, I did eat tofu which tasted great, but I’m not sure how that affects the dis-ease.

I have to say that drinking this alkaline ionized water has been really powerful. I feel so much more hydrated and nourished.


Did my exercises and prayers to the sunrise with some qigong walking at Kailua on 9/13 and some short exercises in the airport on 9/14. Not much exercises on the plane and I just crashed when I got home.


Lots of stress in the home after getting back from Hawaii. Jett and Fox are acting out at school. Beryl is feeling overburdened. Trying to keep the Aloha spirit alive in Cupertino.


The session with Giovanni gave me confidence to pursue my current path. I do feel like I have angels watching over me.

Seeing the Hawaiian man in the grocery store felt very comforting–kind of like another angel.

Kūkae (BM)

Noticeably less bleeding. Still bleeding, but less bloody mess when I wipe. I also had a few BMs where there was no blood or very little blood. I also feel like I don’t have as much obstruction when i have a BM.

Got a few signs around enemas while in Hawaii–including Mandy gifting me 2 enema bags with organic coffee. I am considering doing enemas with 11.5 ph water since cancer cells thrive in acidic environments.

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Aloha Cancer 9/11/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:11:19 +0000 compassion waxing crescentMauli
Māhoe Mua 11

Woke up this September 11th to a torrential rainstorm. On the 14th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks and the 23rd anniversary of Hurricane Iniki, I asked for permission to enter the Keaiwa Heiau. The rain and a feeling told me not to enter, so I did my prayers outside the heiau.

This day is also the last day of the moon cycle. Tonight the new moon (moku) goes dark and a new waxing cycle begins (hilo).




City of Refuge

Tomorrow feels like a new light punching through the darkness. It is no coincidence that I am hosting the first Aloha Awakenings Workshop on Hawaiian Lands.


Water seems to be the theme of the day. Not only is it pouring rain, but Crystal put a comment about Masaru Emoto’s water crystal photos. Then my cousin offered to buy me a $2000 water ionizer. “Money is no object, if it will help you live longer,” said my generous and loving favorite cousin.


Listened to my body and rested today. I am aware that I have to facilitate a 7 hour workshop tomorrow, so getting rest is important.


Obviously, I am honored by my cousin’s generous and thoughtful offer. Amazing how different friends and family members are showing love and support in different ways. So grateful.


Was suppose to go to a Hawaiian Bible study today, but it got cancelled due to the weather. Turns out that I needed a nap and some rest. I used to try to jam spirituality in my life. Now I take my time and rest when needed.


After one of the longest BMs this morning that I have had in over a year, I had a lot of blood or beet juice during the day. Lots of blood sediment. Not sure what is going on, but I’m just trying to be patient and aware.

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Aloha Cancer 9/10/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:08:39 +0000 compassion waxing crescentMauli
Māhoe Mua 10

Remembered what Uncle Paul Strauch told me and asked to enter the heiau this morning. The Gods answered with this anuenue (rainbow). So grateful for the blessings.




rainbow heieauSpent the rest of the day with my dear friend, Mandy, posting up flyers for the workshop. Mandy is pure joy. Even when we got detoured by traffic, she smiled and said, “Let’s go check out the surf at Makapu`u.” One healer told me that Love and Joy will heal cancer faster and more effective than any other treatment. Time with Mandy is full of love and joy.

We anonymously paid for juice and shave ice for those who came after us, leaving a smile card. We handed out flowers to strangers in parking lots. We laughed at how amazing life can be when you let go of the reins. The only problem with hanging out with Mandy is that she insists on paying for everything.


Had both lunch and dinner at Peace Cafe. Wonderful vegan food in a small space with tranquil decor.


Just morning exercises and prayers. Ran around a lot passing out flyers. Did an oli (Hawaiian chanting) class with Malia and gave a small workshop for my friend Darren and his pregnant wife Chiaki.


So honored to spend time with Darren, his wife, and his mother, Reggie. Even though Darren and I don’t see each other often, we still have a deep love for each other that has spanned three decades. At one point, Darren said with tears in his eyes, “I understand your choice and respect your spirit, but I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you.”


One of my friends has heart problems. The doctor wanted to do open heart surgery. After a few months, they checked her heart again and it had gotten better, so now they are holding off on the surgery. I want her to attend my workshop, so we can open the heart without scalpels. Just knowing that the body can reverse dis-ease all on its own is an inspiration and example for me. I am grateful for her authentic and vulnerable share.


Lots of blood today. I was a bit perplexed, until I remembered that yesterday I drank a juice that had beets in it and ate oatmeal with grated raw beets. Maybe this isn’t blood, but beet coloring. I felt good all day, so not too concerned. Mandy told me all about coffee enemas, so I might start doing those when I get home.

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Aloha Cancer 9/9/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:06:57 +0000 compassion waxing crescentKāne
Māhoe Mua 9

Woke up this morning and headed to the Keaiwa Heiau (Hawaiian temple) above Aiea on O`ahu. I entered the heiau to do my prayers and exercises with the rising sun and crowing roosters. Such a gift. After meditating for a while, I did some qigong walking around the heiau and noticed the waning crescent moon in line with the rising sun in the east.

Hawaiian HeiauThen when exiting the heiau, I learned that this heiau was for kahuna lapa`au (Hawaiian medicine men). They gathered herbs and plants and made them into medicine at this heiau. Lots of healing energy stretching back thousands of years.

Later, I met a Kumu Hula (Hula Teacher) who told me that the name of the heiau was one of her favorite words in Hawaiian. Āiwaiwa means “inexplicable, mysterious, marvelous, strange, amazing, fantastic, fathomless, incomprehensible, wonderful because of divinity.” What an amazing word. Wouldn’t it be great if we lived our lives āiwaiwa?


Had a great raw, vegan meal at Greens and Vines restaurant in downtown Honolulu. The Living Lasagne was tasty and filling. Talked to Chef Sylvia afterwards and she gave me some tips on how not to get bored with a raw diet. “Cook 1/4 portions and experiment with flavors and seasonings.” Great advice, since twice I have made almond hummus and ended up dumping 1/3 of it because it spoils or I get bored of it.


Besides morning exercises at the heiau, I swam in the ocean at Ala Moana Beach Park. Water was salty, so it floated me without having to do much!


Had a long talk with a friend who is counselor for elementary school children in Hawaii. We talked about compassion, boys, and the struggles boys have with compassion and school. It felt great to reconnect with someone after years of absence only to find out that we are on the same wavelength.

Missing Beryl and the boys. They call and tell me they love me. “Can I go to the heiau?” asked 5 year old Fox. So cute and inspiring.

Also, connected with two teachers at the Still and Moving Center where I am giving the workshop. They gave me support in my choice to heal from the dis-ease in an alternative way. It feels good to have support from near strangers on such a monumental decision.


Went to go buy a Hawaiian music Cd, only to find a cool bookstore that had tons of old books about Hawaii and Hawaiian spirituality. So much wisdom on this island. I learned a new ‘ōlelo no‘eau (Hawaiian wise saying): e puka aku me kāu mau makana–”emerge with your gifts.”

Or as Pono Shim says, “if you would honor us with your gift, we would hold it as valuable. Nothing was too big, nothing was too small; every gift was important. Everyone was valuable.” Reminds me that everyone has gifts to give and receive. This saying reminds me to be open to both giving and receiving.

For me this blog is both giving and receiving. I receive so much from every comment, yet many of the comments thank me for writing. :)


Very little blood today. More green and brown than red. Sorry about the details, but I’m really trying to track any signs of change or healing. Had lots of energy throughout the day with swimming, socializing, reading, and driving. I did add a supplement rich in anti-oxidants this morning. Not sure if that made a difference.

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Aloha Cancer 9/8/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:04:37 +0000 compassion waxing crescentKāloa Pau
Māhoe Mua 8

This morning I got dropped off at San Jose Airport at 6 AM for a 9 AM flight to Honolulu, so i decided to do my morning prayers and exercises in the waiting lounge. I picked an empty area no where near my gate and started my prayers.

As I started the movements, I notices someone approaching me out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored them, trying to focus. Finally, I had to look up at this large man who was smiling at me. It turned out to be a high school friend who happened to be flying out to Florida with his family.

He had heard about my diagnosis, so he asked how things were going. When I said that I was just doing alternative therapies, his wife chimed in and said I should talk to their neighbor. Turns out that they live next to a well-known naturopath who specializes in medicinal marijuana.

The funny thing is that when I had told my Hawaiian healing teacher about my diagnosis, she also suggested medical marijuana. Looks like I might be getting high soon. haha. Actually, the marijuana that they prescribe doesn’t get one high.

When I landed in Hawaii, I breathed in the moist air and felt nourished. I thought about how just being on this island was healing, until I took a lungful of jet fuel odor. I’ll bet that being in natural Hawaii is extremely healing. Unfortunately, it is getting harder and harder to find pristine Hawaiian lands nowadays.


Had to turn down everything on the plane. Amazing how anti-anti-cancer the meals they serve on the plane are–tons of sugar, no vegetables, lots of protein rich foods. Luckily, when I landed, my auntie took me to a health food store where I found some organic salads, including a taro vegan potato salad. Yum.


Just my morning prayers and exercise. A little qigong walking to the terminal gate.


Talked with a number of friends and relatives in Hawaii and felt a tremendous amount of Aloha and peace. Got a sweet phone message from Beryl and the boys.


Talked with my Uncle’s niece who teaches Hawaiian Language at Punahou Schools (the school Obama went to). We talked about spirituality, Christianity, and Hawaiian healing. She invited me to a Hawaiian bible study on Friday. So excited to partake in this powerful experience of reading the Bible in Hawaiian.


Bleeding seems to be tapering off. Had some large BMs today, relatively speaking. It “feels” like the tumor is smaller since I don’t have that uncomfortable feeling when I have a BM. Alison said something that really resonated with me: “Maybe it would be possible to reframe other small indicators of the illness in a different more positive way so they are not about illness but simply about the body’s needs in the moment.” I realized that there are larger processes going on in my body and spirit that need time and space. I can’t judge every drop of blood as an indicator of my health and recovery. Thanks, Alison.

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Aloha Cancer 9/07/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:02:39 +0000 compassion moonMoon Cycle

Kàloa Kû Lua

Mâhoe Mua 7

Tomorrow I fly to Oahu for some healing and to give a workshop on September 12th. I called Hawaiian Airlines to request a vegetarian meal, and they said that they don’t offer vegetarian meals on North American flights.

The other day, I went to buy a belt at Target because I’m losing weight. I used to be a size 32 waist, but now I’m about a 30. Target had a ton of belts, but none of them were small. The smallest size they had was size 32.

Is it me, or is our country waging the “war on cancer” on the wrong battlefront? All this money goes into chemo, radiation, and surgery, but no one seems to pay attention to diet or obesity. It seems ludicrous that high fat, high protein diets are risk factors for cancer and heart disease, but we are not offered vegetarian meals on a 5 hour flight. Waist sizes are increasing along with a host of diseases associated with obesity, yet we don’t stop eating; we just buy bigger belts.


Made a pot of Indian healing food (khichdi) to bring on the flight tomorrow. Hope the TSA lets it past security. Otherwise, it is going to be a long day without food, since when I land, I still have to find a restaurant that caters to organic whole foods. Yesterday, the family and I ate at Judahlicious in San Francisco. Boys loved their “Exodus” rice bowl with veggies, kale, hemp seed, and vegan parmesan. Beryl chowed a “1/2 Nekked Burrito” and I gobbled up a raw “Dahnu Wrap” made with a housemade Raw Flax tortilla. raw food dish

This was after talking to my friend Moni, who is a raw, vegetarian chef. She said that helping me find a way to make food enjoyable again with my anti-cancer diet helped her remember why she became a chef in the first place. I’m so excited to find joy in eating again.


Did almost an hour of qigong walking today after morning prayers and movements. I’m really curious about the long term effects of this asymmetrical walking/breathing practice. I will write in detail the method on a future post.


I feel like I’m leaving for Hawaii tomorrow with all my relationships at peace. It is kind of like doing all the dishes before you go on a trip. You know that when you return, you don’t have any messes to clean up.


Really excited about leading a spirit/Aloha based workshop on Oahu this week. Not sure who will show up, but I am sure my soul will be there.


Seems like I went to the potty 12 times today. Not always bloody, but over the course of the day, quite a bit of blood. Had to sit down on a walk and take a nap around 12:30 PM. Getting hit with low energy right in the middle of the day. It could have also been that yesterday was a non-stop day with exercises, driving, surfing, playing, and cooking.

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Aloha Cancer 9/6/2015 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 05:01:04 +0000 compassion moonKàloa Kû Kahi

Màhoe Mua 6

Yesterday I had an amazing inner-child healing session with Leyna Brabant. We delved into the root of this dis-ease. A few powerful insights came up. Leyna keyed into my relationship with my biological father, Masaki Hattori. He went MIA in Vietnam when I was 3 years old. Even though he wasn’t there for most of my childhood, I still felt his presence.


masakiI felt like I needed to strive to become a perfect man, American, warrior, or sportsman. Leyna compared it to a blueprint with sharply defined edges and corners that I was being forced to mold to. At one point during the healing session, Leyna said my inner-child stopped posing in a martial arts pose and crawled into the fetal position.

I understand my father’s desire to hone me into a perfect weapon against the injustices he had experience in the Internment Camps during World War II. At one point, I just asked my father, “Can you just love me the way I am?” I am at heart a peaceful, non-violent, loving child. Leyna said she saw him holding a small plant. He placed it in the ground tenderly, watered it, and moved out of the way for the sun to shine on it. I reflected that it felt good to get nurturing from my father rather than honing.

Images of Obi Wan Kenobi came up. Obi Wan never forced Luke to become a Jedi. He made the offer and Luke refused. It wasn’t until Luke’s uncle and aunt were slaughtered by stormtroopers that Luke agreed to learn the ways of the force. I have been looking for this type of avuncular guide/teacher/guru my entire life. I now realize that my Hawaiian grandfather, Keneze Kauhiaimakuakama Wood, was my Obi Wan.


Leyna also looked into my treatment options. She saw the image of a childhood maze in a book. The pencil goes through the maze, but the person going through the maze can only see just in front of the pencil. When a turn is required the person can see just enough to make the right decision. This reminds me of something Michael Lerner said, “Go only at the pace of guidance.” I will continue on this path until something else changes. Right now, I feel like this treatment plan is what my soul needs.

Leyna also said that my aura was open/exposed in the back. I’ve done a lot of work cultivating chi or mana, but I’ve never really thought about the backside. It makes sense that the dis-ease is in the rectum. It is a part of my aura that I continually neglect. I am going to start completing my aura, including the backside.

I am so grateful to Leyna who gifted me this 2 hour healing session. I feel blessed to be able to explore relationships with deceased family members. I really feel like I am honoring my ‘aumakua.


I’ve started eating an Indian healing food that consists of quinoa, lentils, peas, asafoetida, and other spices. Although I burned the first batch, it seems to give me more energy during the day.


Went surfing today at Ocean Beach with college friends, Jon Kitamura and Lance Harriman. Felt good to get wet then hang in the sunshine for a few hours.


Still ironing out the kinks with my wife. Today, she was upset that we spent the whole day at the beach (she is a New York City girl). She finally pulled over and said, “You drive home.” As we were switching seats, I grabbed her and gave her a hug. It doused the fire and reminded us that love is all we need.


In addition to doing some inner child work, just being in the ocean felt soulful. Surfing was a big part of my spiritual life for over 25 years, so it felt like going back to church after a long hiatus.

Surfing as Sadhana


Lots of blood. Bright red. Not sure why I had the tapering off in the last few weeks then a new flow. Just accepting what my body needs to do to heal.

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