The Real Cost of Divorce

Once when I was a grad student, I was walking with one of my mentors, a brilliant English Professor named Frank McConnell.

“Have a Happy Holidays, Frank,” I said as we parted ways.

“You are so young, Kozo. Holidays are not happy,” he replied.

“What do you mean, Frank. I love the holidays–family, joy, peace.”

“I’m divorced, Kozo. Holidays are hell.”

When I questioned him more about this “hell,” he confessed, “you never fully recover financially or emotionally from a divorce.”

I remember thinking how could he not recover financially. He was a tenured English Professor at a major university and a published author.

What I should have been thinking is “how can you not enjoy Christmas?”

A contested divorce can cost between $8,000 and $135,000 in legal fees alone. This does not include alimony, child support, half your net worth, half your saving, half your retirement, half your home equity, and half your assets. Tiger Woods divorce is said to cost him over $750 million dollars.

Mono P / / CC BY-SA

But money can be replaced. What Tiger’s divorce really cost him is ability to reach his full potential as a golfer. Ever since his divorce 5 years ago, Tiger has not won a single Major tournament in golf. He has lost all intimidation he used to have over other golfers in the field. His razor sharp concentration becomes a sloppy mess every weekend when he is in contention.

In short, Tiger has lost peace of mind. Without peace of mind, he can’t perform. He can’t do his job. He can’t be a leader.

I know we are not Tiger Woods, but we, too, can lose peace of mind. It might not cost us our place in golf history, but it will cost us our happiness.

Can you imagine the time you get to spend with your family on holidays a living hell? Can you imagine never emotionally recovering from an event in your life?

I’ve known some very famous and rich people who don’t have peace of mind, and I wouldn’t trade places with them for all the money in the world.

The real cost of divorce has nothing to do with money and everything to do with peace, joy, and happiness.

May you find peace and joy. May you be free from suffering.

How important is peace of mind in your life? Do you think that Tiger’s inability to perform is rooted in his personal life? Please share below.


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